(Note from mom: Jake’s been struggling this past month, a beloved member of our family who Jake loves dearly has had some major health struggles and is now in hospice care. This may have instigated the emotional setback, but I hope and pray we are on an upswing. Today Jake was very clear upon our work options that he wanted to do “something else.” When I gave him the letter board he spelled “really want to write a story entry.” Another Note: I have many more story entries and conversations to type up, stacks – I’m waaaay behind, he keeps me busy!!!)
Need to Stay More Reality in the Real Time
“Story of My Life” Year 2
Sort of got not so great habit of living in the past in my mind. Stopping it is not easy. Reality is so nice now, not need to live those horrible moments reality so most hard in my mind.
Still not sure how to let those memories go. Still seems impossible, sort of reality is still the same. Only most not same now my opinion is mattering, now I have a say in my own life.
Really such a lie to think things that have happened in the past still happening now. I eager to have more forward thoughts. Too intense to most think ahead, still seems impossible. Reality really not different, too much the same still. Nice to have reality still the same, reality not the same so overwhelming. I mean too much change too intense.
So I eager to stop my habit memories in my mind. Stopping totally not realistic. Stopping them still from intensity I need to learn how to do. Only hope I can. I only so tired of anger. Only relaxing in my reality is much better. Starting to have hopeful perspective sometimes, only those memories intense too strong sometimes.
Still important to most realize too stupid to keep holding that stupid, most intense reality memory of the past. It isn’t true now. I eager to stay relaxed every day. Still need to learn how. Eager to most too interested to stop having too intense emotions my life.
At the age of 22 he began expressing his very personal thoughts and feelings more fluently with me (his mom), and it was his idea to begin writing “The Story of My Life” one day. He is diagnosed with severe autism as well as intermittent explosive disorder. He has given me permission to share his story and our conversations.
Jake continually expresses his desire to “find purpose” to his life…I hope his willingness to share will help others learn about this misunderstood condition known as “autism” that has so much to teach us all.